Pick Me Girl: The TikTok Trope You Wish You Didn’t Relate To

Let’s just get this out of the way: if you’re here, you’ve probably watched one too many TikToks featuring that painfully relatable pick me girl content.

Maybe it was the one where she shrugs and says, “Ugh, I just get along with guys better—girls are so much drama.”

Or perhaps the video where she goes into full competition mode over, you know, existing near men.

Either way, you’ve likely found yourself thinking, “I would never.” But then… you cringe.

What exactly is a pick me girl? What if, deep down, you might be one?

If you’ve ever caught yourself whispering, What does pick me girl mean?, or worse—How to tell if you are a pick me girl?—then get ready.

We’re about to dive headfirst into this twisted, meme-driven cultural phenomenon.

And fair warning, this might be uncomfortable. But hey, self-awareness is a thing, right?

Not Like Other Girls? Oh Please.

Let’s kick things off with the basics. What is a pick me girl? She’s not just the girl who likes “guy stuff” (because, let’s face it, most of us enjoy some form of “guy stuff” without it being a crime). No, no.

The pick me girl takes it to Olympic levels, aggressively seeking male approval by throwing other women under the bus.

Imagine someone who practically lives for that pat on the head from their male buddies after announcing that they, unlike other girls, hate shopping and would rather guzzle down a six-pack and talk sports.

So, what’s a pick me girl really about? She’s an evolution of the “cool girl” trope—you know, the one popularised by that iconic monologue in Gone Girl.

She’s the rom-com character who’s “not like other girls” because she plays video games, eats burgers, and is “one of the guys.”

In reality, she’s a walking cry for attention, aiming to be chosen—no, picked—by men.

The Origins of the Pick-Me Girl Trope

The phrase Pick-Me Girl emerged on Twitter back in 2016 under the hashtag #TweetLikeAPickMe, which parodied women who sought male approval by portraying themselves as “wifey material” or by devaluing typically feminine traits.

But it wasn’t until TikTok trends in 2022 that the term exploded, and now, it’s part of pop-culture slang across all platforms.

@sneha.v Who wants a part 2? Blue light glasses from @theseglasses! #theseglasses #pov #pickme #acting ♬ Monkeys Spinning Monkeys – Kevin MacLeod & Kevin The Monkey

This origin story is crucial to understanding the Pick-Me Girl meaning and how it has evolved.

The trope of the Pick-Me Girl has deep roots in internalised misogyny, reflecting a societal pressure where women are conditioned to see other women as competition rather than allies.

It’s a reflection of how society pressures women to compete for male validation rather than building solidarity among themselves.

This behaviour becomes even more complex on social media, where “pick-me” is now used as a generalised insult, often against women who act differently from perceived norms.

What Is a Pick-Me Girl?

In simple terms, a Pick-Me Girl is someone who seeks male validation by distancing herself from other women and rejecting traditionally feminine behaviours.

This behaviour has roots in internalised misogyny, where women are conditioned to see other women as competition rather than allies.

The Pick-Me Girl adopts this mindset, even if she isn’t aware of it, as she fights to be the one who stands out in the male gaze.

What is Pick Me Girl Behaviour? The TikTok Revolution of Cringe

Now, if you’re thinking the pick me girl is some ancient relic of early 2000s rom-coms, TikTok is here to shatter your illusions.

Pick me girls are everywhere on TikTok, and they’ve inspired a viral trend that is impossible to ignore.

Videos mocking pick me behaviour—with exaggerated proclamations that they’re “just one of the boys” while simultaneously insulting anything remotely feminine—have exploded across the platform.

And let’s be honest, it’s great content.

From viral POVs of pick me girls finding out their crush has a girlfriend to over-the-top skits of girls pretending to be “different” from their gasp fellow females, TikTok has perfectly captured the cringe in a way that makes us all squirm—and laugh.

But what does pick me girl mean in practical terms?

Oh, the list is endless. Constantly seeking validation from men? Check.

Dismissing other women as “basic” or “too much drama”? Double check.

And let’s not forget the desperate attempts to seem cool by rejecting anything labelled “girly,” as if enjoying a pumpkin spice latte is a cardinal sin.

Internalised Misogyny and the Male Gaze

According to certified sex therapist Shadeen Francis, internalised misogyny plays a key role in shaping Pick-Me Girl behaviours.

This internalised misogyny leads these women to reject traditionally feminine behaviours in order to align themselves more closely with the male gaze, which prioritises men’s interests and pleasures.

Essentially, these behaviours are attempts to feel accepted, rewarded, and desired by men, often at the expense of other women.

It’s easy to criticise Pick-Me Girls without recognising the systemic pressures at play.

Many of these behaviours stem from a patriarchal system that rewards women for aligning with male preferences while shaming them for embracing femininity.

This paradox creates an environment where women are damned if they do and damned if they don’t.

Where Did the Term “Pick-Me Girl” Come From?

But it wasn’t until TikTok trends in 2022 that the term exploded, and now, it’s part of pop-culture slang across all platforms.

Understanding the Pick-Me Girl origin helps us see how these behaviours have been normalised and spread across different social media channels.

Is a Pick Me Girl a Red Flag? More Like a Caution Tape Wrapped Around Self-Esteem Issues.

So here’s the question: Is a pick me girl a red flag? Well, that depends.

Is a desire for constant male validation at the expense of other women something you’d call healthy? Probably not.

But beyond the eye-roll-worthy behaviour, there’s something deeper at play: internalised misogyny.

The pick me girl doesn’t just hate on other women for fun (though she definitely tries to make it look that way); she’s stuck in a system that’s taught her to see other women as competition, not allies.

Think about it. The pick me girl bends over backwards to appeal to men, rejecting anything traditionally “feminine” to set herself apart.

She’s not doing this because she genuinely prefers chugging beer over sipping rosé.

No, it’s because the patriarchy whispers in her ear that being “like other girls” is somehow a bad thing.

And that, my friend, is the real red flag—she’s not the villain; she’s a victim of a system she doesn’t even realise she’s perpetuating.

Why Do Women Become Pick-Me Girls?

Much of this behaviour stems from societal pressure and internalized misogyny.

From a young age, many girls are taught to seek male approval as a way to gain validation.

This constant competition with other women creates a need to be seen as “different” or “better” in male-dominated spaces.

The desire for pick-me energy is often driven by a need to stand out and be chosen.

By recognising the larger social order impacting their behaviour, it becomes easier to understand why some women fall into the Pick-Me Girl mindset.

Internalised misogyny manifests as a coping mechanism in response to societal pressures that devalue traditional femininity.

It’s important to address these societal pressures rather than just label someone a “Pick-Me.”

How to Tell if You Are a Pick Me Girl? The Tough Love Checklist.

Now for the tough part. How to tell if you are a pick me girl? Don’t panic. We’ve all had our moments.

Maybe you’ve felt the need to downplay your interests to seem cooler around guys.

Or perhaps you’ve rolled your eyes at another woman for being “too girly.” If so, congratulations, you’ve had your own pick me moment.

But before you spiral into a self-reflective pit of despair, take a breath.

How to Spot Pick-Me Girl Behaviour

The Pick-Me Girl trope isn’t just about liking “guy stuff.” It’s about taking things to the next level by seeking approval at the expense of other women.

Here are some telltale signs:

Constant Validation Seeking: She craves male approval and attention, often at the cost of her own opinions.
Putting Down Other Women: She might say things like “girls are just too much drama,” distancing herself from other women as if femininity is a flaw.
Adopting Masculine Traits: She goes out of her way to appear as “one of the guys” by embracing traditionally masculine activities, such as drinking beer or playing video games, while discrediting things considered “girly.”

How to Let Go of Pick-Me Girl Behaviors

Breaking out of the Pick-Me Girl mindset starts with self-reflection:

Acknowledge the Behaviour: Recognise when you’re seeking male validation or putting down other women.
Be True to Yourself: Embrace your genuine interests, whether they’re traditionally masculine or feminine.
Support Other Women: Instead of competing, build strong female friendships and be a champion for other women’s success.

Recognising pick me tendencies is the first step in letting them go.

After all, the only person you should be “picking” is yourself. (Wow, that got deep.)

By choosing to reject labels of what’s traditionally “feminine” or “masculine” and embracing our own desires, we can move away from internalized misogyny and start dismantling these damaging behaviours.

Instead of waiting to be chosen, we can choose ourselves.

And remember, true pick-me behaviour comes from a place of insecurity—let’s all work to build each other up rather than tear each other down.